Today, have to woke up early . But I slept quite late last night.
Have to rushed to a private clinic to do something. Appointment.
Appointment 9am , I woke up at 8.30am. Lazy to leave the bed , as usual.
It hurts, everything hurts.
I didnt know if I want to do these , I hurt , My parents' hearts is hurting too.
My teeth hurt because you are doing something to it. Taking it away too. But that is all for the sake of chio-ness. But is that really that important to me ?
When I was doing, thinking why am I enduring the pain. After enduring the pain, is there any hopes/percentage that I will be prettier ? No, no one told me. But I received a very bad news that totally bring my self esteem & confidence down , deep down . It suddenly trigger my thoughts on why am I doing it , making myself feel so miserable if the results is the same as now.
I am breaking my dear parents hearts . Their hard earned money is being spent on my dirty & useless teeth.
I am always taking things for granted. I dont know how to repay them , I owned them too much, too much that is so uncountable, I feel that one life of mine is not even enough to pay them D:.
I still feel so bad , I screamed at my dad. Why ? D:
After that , I only can eat after 4 hours & I endured this since 10am .
Finally I can get to eat , but I have no appetite , you know why .
I take things for granted again .
I take Mel for granted. D: I let him wait , wait, wait when I am doing my own personal thing here.
Why ? After his call, I feel so disappointed for myself. Utterly disappointed.
I shouldnt let him wait , I should have chiong over since I know he have his exams going on.
What the fuck am I doing.
I cant get to see myself eat . I dont bare to eat. I feel like punishing myself.
I cant even have the courage to message him or call him to say "I am sorry".
I am a bitch uhh ,
He is damn disappointed with me right now right, ?
"I am very sorry Mel. Forgive me . I dont know whether will you" .
